3 Candles

A man was having a conversation with Buddha in the middle of the night. Buddha was sitting down while the man was standing.

Man: O Buddha, I have a girlfriend of five years, but now I have fallen madly in love with a new lady. I really don't know what to do.

Buddha: Are you sure that the lady you're now madly in love with is the one you love most, and will be the very last woman in your life?

Man: Yes.

Buddha: Then initiate a break up so you can be with the new lady!

Man: But my current girlfriend is gentle, kind, virtuous. If I initiate a break up, wouldn't it be quite cruel and unethical?

Buddha: In marriage and love, it will only be cruel and unethical if there is no love. You're now in love with another lady and no longer your girlfriend, and a break up is the right thing to do.

Man: But my girlfriend loves me very much, she really loves me very much.

Buddha: Then she is fortunate.

Man: I'm going to leave her for another woman, and this should cause her to be in misery. How can she be fortunate?

Buddha: Because she still possesses the love she has for you, whereas you have lost the love you have for her, because you have fallen for someone new. Accurately speaking, it is a blessing to possess and a misfortune to lose possession, therefore the one in misery is you.

Man: But I'm leaving her for another woman, she should be the one who has lost me and thus feel miserable.

Buddha: You're wrong. You're only an entity in her love life. When you, the entity, no longer exists, her true love will continue on to another entity. Because in her love life, she has never lost true love, therefore she is the one who should be blessed and you the one in pain.

Man: She said she would love only me all her life and not a second man.

Buddha: Have you not said something similar before?

Man: I... I... I...

Buddha: Look at the three candles in the urn before you, the one that shines most brightly.

Man: I don't know, they're all equally bright.

Buddha: These three candles can be likened to three women. One of them is the woman you have fallen for. There are so many humans in existence, and there are more than hundreds of thousands of women. You can't even tell which is the brightest or point out which is the woman you love now, yet why are you so sure the one you love now is that woman, and even more so, how can you be so sure she will be the last woman in your life?

Man: I... I... I...

Buddha: Now put one candle close to you, and look closely which of the three candles are the brightest.

Man: Of course it's the one right in front of me.

Buddha: Now put it back to where it was, and then look again and tell me which is the brightest.

Man: I really cannot tell which is the brighest.

Buddha: Actually, the candle you brought before you is like the woman whom you have fallen for. Love stems from the heart. While you love her, you feel that she is the brightest candle. When you put the candle back to where it was, once again you could not tell which was the brightest candle. This type of love is only a kind of greed that blinds you and looks beautiful and perfect on the surface, but in the end it's only an empty dream.

Man: Oh! Now I know. You didn't really want me to leave my girlfriend, you merely wanted to enlighten me.

Buddha: I won't tell you if you've seen through me. Now, go.

Man: Now I really know who I love - she is my girlfriend.

Buddha: Amituofo, amituofo, amituofo.

When one is alive, one can hardly avoid love. May all lovers in the world cherish the one beside them, steer clear of greed and illusions and create happiness with their special one.

Did I Marry The Right Person?

This is a very good article. Those who are still single may learn something from here...
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship ...

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?' I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?' In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's
idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.

Remember always this:

'God determines who walks into your life.It is up to you to decide who you let to walk away,who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go.

The Best Kind of Love

I have received this email from a friend and I would like to share with everyone this beautiful article and that this will benefit you one way or another.

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By Annette Paxman Bowen

I have a friend who is falling in love. She honestly claims the sky is bluer. Mozart moves her to tears. She has lost 15 pounds and looks like a cover girl. "I am young again!" she shouts exuberantly.

As my friend raves on about her new love, I've taken a good look at my old one. My husband of almost 20 years, Scott, has gained 15 pounds. Once a marathon runner, he now runs only down hospital halls. His hairline is receding and his body shows signs of long working hours and too many candy bars. Yet he can still give me a certain look across a restaurant table and I want to ask for the check and head home. When my friend asked me "What will make this love last?" I ran through all the obvious reasons: commitment shared interests, unselfishness, physical attraction, and communication.

Yet there's more. We still have fun. Spontaneous good times. Yesterday, after slipping the rubber band off the rolled newspaper, Scott flipped it playfully at me: this led to an all-out war. Last Saturday at the grocery, we split the list and raced each other to see who could make it to the checkout first. Even washing dishes can be a blast. We enjoy simply being together.

And there are surprises.

One time I came home to find a note on the front door that led me to another note, then another, until I reached the walk-in closet. I opened the door to find Scott holding a "pot of gold" (my cooking kettle) and the "treasure" of a gift package. Sometimes I leave him notes on the mirror and little presents under his pillow.

There is understanding.

I understand why he must play basketball with the guys. And he understands why, once a year, I must get away from the house, the kids - and even him - to meet my sisters for a few days of nonstop talking and laughing.

There is sharing.

Not only do we share household worries and parental burdens - we also share ideas. Scott came home from a convention last month and presented me with a thick historical novel. Though he prefers thrillers and science fiction, he had read the novel on the plane. He touched my heart when he explained it was because he wanted to be able to exchange ideas about the book after I'd read it.

There is forgiveness.

When I'm embarrassingly loud and crazy at parties, Scott forgives me. When he confessed losing some of our savings in the stock market, I gave him a hug and said, "It's okay. It's only money."

There is sensitivity.

Last week he walked through the door with that look that tells me it's been a tough day. After he spent some time with the kids, I asked him what happened. He told me about a 60-year old woman that had a stroke. He wept as he recalled the woman's husband standing beside her bed, caressing her hand. How was he going to tell this husband of 40 years that his wife would probably never recover? I shed a few tears myself. Because of the medical crisis. Because there were still people who have been married 40 years. Because my husband is still moved and concerned after years of hospital rooms and dying patients.

There is faith.

Last Tuesday a friend came over and confessed her fear that her husband is losing his courageous battle with cancer. On Wednesday I went to lunch with a friend who is struggling to reshape her life after divorce. On Thursday a neighbor called to talk about the frightening effects of Alzheimer's disease on her father-in-law's personality. On Friday a childhood friend called long-distance to tell me her father had died. I hung up the phone and thought, This is too much heartache for one week. Through my tears, as I went out to run some errands, I noticed the boisterous orange blossoms of the gladiolus outside my window. I heard the delighted laughter of my son and his friend as they played. I caught sight of a wedding party emerging from a neighbor's house. The bride, dressed in satin and lace, tossed her bouquet to her cheering friends. That night, I told my husband about these events. We helped each other acknowledge the cycles of life and that the joys counter the sorrows. ! It was enough to keep us going.

Finally, there is knowing.

I know Scott will throw his laundry just shy of the hamper every night; he'll be late to most appointments and eat the last chocolate in the box. He knows that I sleep with a pillow over my head; I'll lock us.

I guess our love lasts because it is comfortable. No, the sky is not bluer: it's just a familiar hue. We don't feel particularly young: we've experienced too much that has contributed to our growth and wisdom, taking its toll on our bodies, and created our memories. I hope we've got what it takes to make our love last. As a bride, I had Scott's wedding band engraved with Robert Browning's line "Grow old along with me!"

We're following those instructions. "If anything is real, the heart will make it plain." There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be blest to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever. Hope you find this kind of love in your life.

Because it's... LOVE

In front of the person you love your heart beats faster
But in front of the person you like you get happy.
In front of the person you love winter seems like spring
But in front of the person you like winter is just beautiful winter.
If you look into the eyes of the one you love you blush
But if you look into the eyes of the one you like you smile.
In front of the person you love you can't say everything on your mind.
But in front of the person you like you can.
In front of the person you love you tend to get shy
But in front of the person you like you can show your own self.
The person you love comes into your mind every 2 minutes
You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you love
But you can always smile into the eyes of the one you like.
When the one you love is crying you cry with them
But when the one you like is crying you end up comforting.
he feeling of love starts from the eye
And the feeling of like starts from the ear.
So if you stop liking a person you used to like
All you need to do is cover your ears,
But if you try to close your eyes
Love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever after.

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing
And is your voice caught within your chest?
It isn't love, it's like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?
It isn't love, it's lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn't love, it's luck.

Do you want them because you know they're there?
It isn't love, it's loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
It isn't love, it's loyalty.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
Then it's love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?
Then it's love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's love.

Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt them?
It isn't love, it's pity.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
It isn't love, it's unconfidence.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip beat?
It isn't love, it's infatuation.

But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?
Then it's love.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
It isn't love, it's friendship

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?
Then it's love.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
It isn't love, it's a lie.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it's love.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
It isn't love, it's charity.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then it's love.

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why?

Because it's...
LOVE.

We owe a lot to our parents

On Mother's Day and Father's Day, we send our parents cards and flowers and gifts. We tell them we appreciate them, we tell them we love them. Then we spend the rest of the year trying to avoid them. Well, some of us try harder than others.

According to two recent polls, 36% of elderly parents say their grown children have failed to help them in a time of need in the past five years. And that doesn't even include all those parents who can't remember. Perhaps poor memory is a good thing. If I'm ever an aging parent, I want
to remember my children as the most loving and caring people. And if they're not, I want to forget.

But the only thing I'll probably forget is to put them in my will. Let's face it: Parents can be a pain at times. They expect so much out of you. Do this, do that, eat this, eat that, marry this, marry that. There's no satisfying them.

But you have to overlook your entire childhood to turn your back on your parents. There are so many reasons to be grateful to them. Here are just a few:

---They didn't abort you.
Yes, some of them easily could have, but they chose to accept at least 18 years of responsibility. Sure, you brought them lots of joy, but you also brought them lots of migraines. Thanks to you, they had to invest more money in aspirin than in the stock market.

---They changed your diaper about 2,750 times.
You may have many talents today, but for the first years of your life, your only talent was soiling a diaper. Soon after that, you developed another talent: wetting the bed. You were so good at that, they thought you'd do it for the rest of your life.

---They forced you to do your homework.
You preferred to watch cartoons on television, but they knew you couldn't make a career out of that. Unless you ended up on welfare. They encouraged you to earn good grades and graduate from school. They didn't want you to sell drugs for a living, without going to pharmacy school.

---They lost so much sleep worrying about you, they haven't yet caught up.
That's why they have to go to bed at 7 p.m. They'd have to sleep continuously for five years to make up for your puberty alone.

---They spent a small fortune on you.
Without you, they could have vacationed every year in the Bahamas and bought a sports car-instead of that totally uncool station wagon. And they could have bought lots of fancy appliances and furniture, items that are guaranteed to never talk back or ask for allowances.

---They were so proud of you.
Why do you think they took one billion photos of you? You weren't that cute. They even snapped shots of you taking a bath, as though that was some big achievement. When you took your first step, they acted like you had walked on the moon. They wanted to tell everybody, even the mail carrier. When you spoke your first word, they wanted to put an announcement in the newspaper. They wanted to call CNN. Consider yourself lucky if you have two parents or even just one. You can't replace a parent. You can't go to the store and buy one, even if you're as loaded as Bill Gates.

Parents aren't perfect, but chances are, no one will ever love you the same way. Especially if you act the way you did.

Ten Secrets of Love

* The first secret - the power of thought.

Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships.

Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires.

Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize her when you meet her.

* The second secret - the power of respect.

You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself.

To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself, "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself "What do I respect about them?"

* The third secret - the power of giving.

If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive.

To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them.

The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.

* The fourth secret - the power of friendship.

To find a true love, you must first find a true friend.

Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction.

To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow.

If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.

* The fifth secret - the power of touch.

Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.

* The sixth secret - the power of letting go.

If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. "Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me - today is the beginning of a new life."

* The seventh secret - the power of communication.

When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: "I Love You." Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone.

Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see them. If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and ...why are you waiting?

* The eighth secret - the power of commitment.

If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commmitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions.

Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option.

Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.

* The ninth secret - the power of passion.

Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone, it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement.

Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.

* The tenth secret - the power of trust.

Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely.

Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself, "Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?" If the answer is "no", think carefully before making a commitment.

Letter to Dead Wife

"Today is a special day. We both woke up at 4.30am. We stayed in bed for a while and chatted. You suggested that we get up to make ourselves a drink. I asked if I could lie down for another 5 minutes, you readily agreed. Like always you agree with me. Soon we got up to sit at the patio. You went to the kitchen and brought back two cups of hot coffee.

It was still dark. You switched on the floodlights of the garden and the garden looked beautiful. I praised you for your green fingers. I know you were delighted to hear that from me. I went down to the garden and invited you to take a walk with me to admire the beauty of the garden. We walked by the pool and commented on a straggly patch of new turf you had just planted. You assured me that straggly patch will soon grow into a neat grass patch.

We went back to the patio and I continued to admire the garden. I was especially appreciative of your effort that day with the work you had done in the garden. Every pot was neatly arranged. I pointed out a pot of plant and reminded you that that spot was the direct spot, which the afternoon sun will shine on. You told me that that plant particular loved lots of sunshine and it is the perfect spot for it. It was your last lesson for me in gardening.

I know you are proud of the garden. You have taken a lot of time, love and care to manage it. That is just like you. That is how you have taken care of the family too. Especially to me, you have always been so giving and loving.

We had a simple breakfast. Soon we have spent a wonderful 3 hours together in the morning. You went back to the bedroom to rest. When I went in you were snuggly in bed. I joined you and slept until the alarm went on.

I showered and got ready for a meeting at 9am. I took up my files and told you I am leaving. Immediately you got out of bed, still in your nightdress, you sent me off to work. Every morning you would wave me goodbye at the doorway. Before the car turned out I waved to you and saw you waving to me at the doorway in your nightdress. I have experienced this scene hundreds of times. But today this was our eternal parting. That was the last time I see my darling, Hup Ee. The image of you waving to me will forever be a lasting memory in my mind. I wish that scene on that morning happened again. I am willing to give all that I have to have that scene again. I cannot believe that you have left me.

It is now already past one in the morning. I will be finishing this letter soon. You have left me for almost 13 hours. I am tired. This day has been extra long. Very often I will work late into the late like tonight. I would slip quietly back into the bedroom to find you sleeping soundly in bed. But tonight the bed is empty. When I remove the comforter, the bed is cold. Where is my darling Hup Ee? Where is my darling Hup Ee?

I will never forget the laughter and joy you brought to your friends and me. I will miss the pair of slender and gentle hands that took care of me. I fondly referred to your hands as "sparrow hands", because they are small like sparrows. Goodbye my darling Hup Ee. We will meet again."

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(Written by Mr Peter Chen, Senior Minister of State for Education for his beloved wife Chen Hup Ee, who past away in an accident on the 17 Dec 1998.)

This letter was read out during the funeral on Monday morning, by Peter Chen himself. He cried and was very emotional yet he continued to read the letter because he wanted to share his feelings with his friends and colleagues and family.

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I have this through my email from a friend and I find it so touching that I can't bear to delete just like that. So I saved a copy and now I'm putting on my blog that more people can read it and remember it.

I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart

I think this is my second time reading this article sent by a friend via email and every time I read it I always feel so touched. There are times when I feel that my husband is spending too much time on his work or he would also make me mad with his attitudes, but then I would also remember all the sweets things he have done for me... rubbing my feet when I feel pain; cook me supper when I'm hungry; replenish my shampoo when I run out of it... and many many more.

So I remind myself, it's okay he dun send me flowers or gifts on anniversaries but at least he remembers them; it's okay he dun spend as much time with me as I want him to but at least I know he's busy working to provide for the family.

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To All Married Couples and Singles Who Intend to Get Married (Worth reading this)

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When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, 30% shares of mycompany and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life withme had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible… Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage…

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy.

Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.

I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest... I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning... This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me; she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?" She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death does us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up.. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: 'I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart'

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Relationships are made not to exploit, not to be broken.

We teach some by what we say
We teach some more by what we do
But we teach most by what we are
- Unknown

You don't get to choose how you are going to die, or when, but, you can decide how you are going to live, here and now.

Remember:
People will forget what you said...
People will forget what you did...
But people will never forget how you made them feel....

Love & Friendship

These are all precious wisdoms which guide me in my life path.....

1) When one door of happiness closes, another opens but we often look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

2) There are things you love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you would like to hear it from, but don't be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart.

3) Don't go for looks' it can deceive; don't go for wealth even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile coz' only a smile makes a dark day seem bright. Hope you find that person.

4) The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them with our own image otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

Would you pick that flower from mountain cliff for me

The following is abstracted from email that I received from friend and I would like to share with all of you.

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My husband is an engineer by profession. I love him for his steady nature and....I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

'Why?' he asked, shocked..

'I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!' I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment increased. Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me, 'What can I do to change your mind?'

Somebody said it right....it is hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes, I slowly answered: 'Here is the quesiton...If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind.'

Let's say; I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?

He said: 'I will give you an answer tomorrow! ..'
My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My Dear
'I would not pick that flower for you, but....please allow me to explain the reasons further...'

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

'When you use the computer, you always mess up the software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your 'good friend' approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.
You like to stay indoors and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip
your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs.

So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand...and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face....

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do...I could not pick that flower yet...and die...'

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting...and as I continued reading...'Now that you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favourite bread and fresh milk...'

I rushed to pull open the door and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....

Now I am sure that no one will ever love me as he does and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's LIFE, and LOVE....

When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.. Love shows up in all forms, even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form...

Flowers and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands...and THAT'S LIFE.

The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less perfect.